Mentoring: A Mutualistic Relationship
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In high school, I was interested in mentoring; however, it was not until fall of 2017, my first semester of college that I actually became a mentor. In the beginning of my freshman year, I was assigned a life coach to assist me in my transition from high school to college, considering I was an out-of-state student. Initially, the thought of having a life coach was slightly exasperating, because I did not feel as if I needed one. However, I dragged myself to the first meeting and surprisingly I enjoyed it. After experiencing the positive effects of having a life coach present in my life, I was inspired to become a mentor myself.
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I joined an organization called L.A.D.I.E.S that participates in school-based mentoring for at-risk teens through Leon County Public Schools. It is an organization founded upon women’s empowerment and community service. A component of our service this year was mentoring. Our 2017-2018 president, Keishana Davis collaborated with our two Outreach Chairs, Berveline Moise and Jalaycia Lewis to establish our mentoring program. I mentor alongside twenty other members at a local high school nicknamed Godby. Godby’s mentor coordinator, Candace Guatney provided us with about twenty young ladies to mentor, who are mostly freshmen and sophomore students.
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I currently have a mentee that I meet with every Monday for approximately an hour. She is a freshman, adjusting to the transition from middle to high school, a transition that I am too familiar with. The summer before I started ninth grade I relocated to an entirely different state. Adjusting to high school without my close friends and family made my freshman year difficult. Consequently, I am now well equipped to help my mentee with her transition.
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My duties as her mentor vary with each session. Some Mondays I am her personal cheerleader, encouraging her to participate in clubs and sports that peak her interests and passions. In fact, after realizing her love for dance, I motivated her to try out for her high school’s dance team. Other Mondays, I am her friend, listening to last weekend’s happenings and all of its thrills. Since I know she looks forward to the weekend, I usually start our conversations with, “What did you do last weekend?” Occasionally, I am what some would call a “Devil’s Advocate, urging her to view situations with teachers and peers from various perspectives. For example, when she had a problem with one of her teacher’s grading styles, I encouraged her to consider why her teacher was taking that approach. Additionally, I encouraged her to respectfully communicate to her teacher the concern she had for a grade she received. I am a tutor if she needs help with any assignments as well. High school mathematics, such as Algebra can be difficult for freshman students, so I make sure she knows I am available to provide help if and when it is needed. Simply put, I am whatever and whoever she needs that particular Monday. Some conversations include laughs, others include serious nods, a few include some blank stares, but all include understanding. Each session uncovers something new, whether it be big or small.
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As much as I would like say we were paired with mentees based on similar characteristics, the truth is we were paired with mentees based on availability. I was given a mentee whose schedule was compatible with mine. Consequently, we all mentor at unique time slots. We do not participate in group mentoring, meaning everyone meets with their mentees individually at their scheduled time.
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Specifically, mentoring takes place in the media center. It is an open space, one that is familiar and secure. It is lively, full of energy and always occupied by at least five students. It is colorful and slightly noisy. It has a noise that avoids awkward silence, yet isn’t loud enough to be distracting. We can sit wherever we please for our mentoring sessions, so I choose to sit at a wooden table located in the back, away from other students, their noise, and their listening ears. The table is large enough to fit four, providing enough space between us that the conversation is intimate nonetheless comfortable. Basically, we occupy a space within a space. On days the media center is closed for testing, we are directed to the counseling center. The counseling center is nothing like the media center in regards to attractiveness. It’s dull with a stern atmosphere. It’s busy with seniors trying to ensure they have met the requirements for graduation. It has posters up, but they are important posters, ones about SAT/ACT, college and military options. The setting that mentoring takes place contributes to how productive it is that particular session. In point of fact, the last time we utilized the counseling center for our session we both were quite distracted by the students coming and going. We were constantly gazing off, focusing our attention on the busy environment, so in turn, our conversation was not as engaging. The noise of the students was distracting as well; the counseling center isn’t the biggest so the voices and conversations of others can be easily heard. I did not realize the effect of the location on the session until it negatively impacted our meeting. Location and its relevance to mentoring should have been addressed in mentor training; however, it was not.
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Mentoring is gradually becoming more widespread. It can be found in professional work settings, college, as well as grade school. Some people actually utilize informal mentoring because they find it helpful in managing life’s everyday stress. School-based mentoring, SBM, is a common type of mentoring utilized within public school systems to increase the county as well as the state’s overall graduation rate. It usually targets students that are considered “at-risk” because of academic risk factors (such as a “low” GPA and/or “low” standardized test scores), and/or community risk factors (such as a high-crime neighborhood). Additionally, it targets “youth who come from single parent households, who show signs of emotional or behavioral problems, and who lack the support to navigate developmental tasks successfully” (Keating et al. 1). It typically takes place in a school setting—media center, classroom, or counseling center, lasting for the length of a class period. Although communication outside of school settings is allowed, it is not common.
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Both, community-based mentoring and school-based mentoring can comprise at-risk teens; however, school-based mentoring is more focused on the long-term academic achievements of the at-risk teens such as high school graduation and entrance into post-secondary schools. Since school-based mentoring includes more academic components, it is no surprise that mentors often serve as tutors as well. While completing my research, I discovered that it is not limited to high school students only. Some middle schools along with elementary schools incorporate it as well. It is centered on the idea that providing a teen with emotional support along with encouraging academic success and school involvement, lessens the teen’s risk of drop out. Most mentors I have encountered would argue that the benefits of mentoring far exceed academic benefits, providing the mentee with life skills as well. The benefits that the mentors receive are noteworthy too. In fact, a study on college students showed that those who served as mentors reported “higher self –esteem, greater awareness of current politics, and greater interpersonal and problem solving skills” (Weller et al. 243).
On February 20, I conducted an interview with a fellow mentor, Miquela Tettey, asking her to describe her experience with mentoring, the benefits her mentee receives from mentoring, and the benefits she, as a mentor receives from mentoring. She recounted her experience, as “rewarding” thus far; in fact, she stated, “Mentoring gives me something to look forward to during the week.” I was not surprised by her response, considering most mentors, including myself, report their experience with mentoring as satisfying to say the least. Tettey related that her hour-long mentoring sessions usually include verbal exchanges regarding life experiences; her mentee expounds upon problems in her life, and Tettey narrates solutions by explaining how she has handled or coped with similar difficulties that she has faced. Knowing that she has provided her mentee with problem-solving strategies in the form of simple life advice, leaves Tettey with a feeling of accomplishment.
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She highlighted the benefits her mentee receives from the sessions through several examples. Tettey assists with academic complications like Geometry problems and even smaller complications like fashion and hair dilemmas. She then began to express how her mentee encounters bullying and how she attempts to coach her though that as well. Specifically, she provides emotional support—a listening ear, encouraging words, and a shoulder to cry on. She also provides ways her mentee can handle bullying such as informing a teacher/administrator or ignoring the bully (lessening the bully’s power). However, while explaining this example, she indirectly revealed a possible pitfall in mentoring.
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She honestly admitted that she has never dealt with bullying before, so it is hard for her to counsel her mentee on the problem; moreover, her inability to relate to bullying, results in a strain. Sometimes, mentors are fortunate college students or older adults who have not experienced the extreme stressors that their at-risk mentees have faced or will face, generating a gap; nonetheless, this gap can be deemed a positive one. No, mentors will not be able to relate to everything their mentees experience, but because of their sessions they will at least be able to empathize, understand and appreciate certain situations. For instance, Tettey, cannot relate to feelings of being bullied, but now because her mentee has depicted emotions and feelings associated with being bullied she understands bullying slightly better. Consequently, this gap in relatedness leads to openness and new perspectives in regard to the mentors. However, this gap can be detrimental in regard to the mentee if the mentor does not know how to properly address it. I am sure mentor training is supposed to prepare mentors for complications as such, but Tettey did not receive adequate mentor training that did. It is expected that mentors will not be able to relate to every situation their mentee is experiencing but with adequate training they should be able to provide them with assistance. I believe mentor training should include a section that confronts this issue. They could use examples and scenarios to explain how to respond to a mentee when you cannot relate, including what you should say. Therefore, this is not a pitfall in mentoring, but more of a pitfall in mentor training, which I will elaborate on later.
I can vividly recount a time I assisted my mentee with a problem she was having with one of her teachers. She explained to me how her teacher would not allow her or any other students to start Module 4 until they corrected and completed Module 3. My mentee did not know how to correct her missed questions in Module 3. Additionally, her teacher was unwilling to help her with the questions, resulting in her acceptance of the failing grade. In her defense, she believed it was pointless to redo a lengthy assignment that she would probably get wrong again. She also did not have the best rapport with her teacher, which contributed to her unwillingness to do the assignment. She labeled the teacher as “mean” and “rude.” She responded to the situation with statements such as “It is just not fair.”
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Sadly, I was forced to play a role my mentee is not fond of Devil’s Advocate. After allowing her to explain her feelings on the situation, I attempted to get her consider her teacher’s feelings on the situation and her reasoning behind her actions. However, my mentee still firmly stood in her beliefs that the situation was unfair and that corrections to the assignment were unnecessary. I agreed that the situation was slightly unfair, but I also reminded her of the reality—life isn’t fair. I established that I could relate, describing an encounter I had with a teacher I deemed an unfair grader. I tried to provide examples of me handling the problem in a mature manner. I was sure to emphasize that I sometime had to practice tolerance. In high school, I did not always like my teachers, their teaching styles, and their grading, but I had to learn how to adjust for the sake of my grade in the class and to maintain peace.
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Although I motivated my mentee to complete her assignment regardless of her teacher’s unjust ways, I was proud of her passion and unwavering stance. Unknowingly, she inspired me. She reminded me that there are issues and situations in life that we should indeed stand up for. She later completed the assignment, but she also made sure her voice on the injustice was heard. Often time we learn to accept whatever we’re given even its unfair, forgetting how and when to stand up for ourselves.
My mentee left that meeting with some insight on tolerance and I left with a voice and little more confidence. While helping her solve an issue in her life, she in turn assisted me in solving an issue in mine. The benefits were mutualistic.
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While that session went great, all our sessions are not as successful. It is not always an easy task getting my mentee to talk about serious problems she is experiencing. Honestly, I do not consistently know what to ask or how to respond. I will also admit I do not have a plethora of experience or training. Similar to my fellow mentors, I had to attend a mandatory mentor training, which was supposed to provide novice mentors as myself with the “dos and don’ts”; however, it was not much help. The training lasted all of forty-five minutes and everything that was not answered during the forty-five minutes was supposed to be addressed in our “mentor packet.” I believe the training served more to establish the regulations than to “train” us. They made sure to engrave in us, “Do not give them medicine,” “Do not give them food,” and “Make sure that mentoring takes place on school grounds.” While regulations and rules should be an important part of training, I do not believe it should be the only or main part of training. I expected more. I expected more dialogue on how to mentor—how to make sure the conversation is engaging, how to make sure your mentee is comfortable, how to get your mentee to open up. These are all questions I faced while mentoring. Lack of training left me feeling inadequate in regards to successfully helping my mentee. For example, there were times I simply did not know what to ask, resulting in awkward silence between me and my mentee for a few minutes.
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In fact, at one point I was so frustrated I decided to seek advice from my life coach. A life coach is almost synonymous with a mentor so I knew he would be able to assist me in my mentoring dilemma. He was shocked when I informed him of the small amount of training I received. He proposed the idea of L.A.D.I.E.S partnering with the life coaching center of FSU. He explained that the life coaches could provide us with further insight and training. In fact, he told me to communicate the idea with my president to see if it is something she would be interested in doing. A workshop involving the life coaches, who are experts, could serve as a model for how to successfully mentor. He also provided me with over a hundred questions I can ask my mentee to ensure the conversation is productive and engaging. The same questions he refers to in his sessions with FSU freshmen.
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Most of the tricks and tips I have acquired about mentoring I have learned through trial and error. It is possible that I would have faced less complications with mentoring if I would have received more adequate, longer training from Leon County Public Schools. On the other hand, it is also possible that they provided me with as much training as their funds allowed for. However, for mentor training to be effective it does not have to be expensive, just detailed. I believe mentor training should include real-life examples and specific responses to frequently asked questions instead of broad generic ones.
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In conclusion, mentoring is a beneficial experience for both the mentor and the mentee involved. The mentee is provided with guidance though emotional support, encouragement, and consistency. This guidance decreases their risk of drop out, in turn increasing their risk of graduation and possibly college. While supplying guidance, the mentor is left with feelings of service, openness, and understanding. The mutualistic benefits are essentially life skills that enhance both individuals’ lives. Although these benefits are attractive they are not always effortless to produce, meaning each session will not be filled with “butterflies and rainbows” as most people portray it. It is dependent upon the mentee’s willingness to grow as well as the mentor’s. Also, productive mentoring takes dedication and determination, along with intensive training. Without adequate mentor training the benefits of mentoring will still be feasible but more difficult to achieve. I believe there should be a greater emphasis put on training, considering the absence of it can have negative impacts on the mentoring experience. Consequently, everyone’s mentoring experience and the benefits they receive are unique. In layman’s terms, mentoring will be only as beneficial as the individuals and the training they received allows for.